Changing thoughts.

During my therapy, Dr. W stressed the importance of stopping my racing mind. I'd shake my head in agreement. Now that I had been on my meds for several months, I was ready for this assignment.  He wanted me to change my N-thoughts to P-thoughts.

 Changing my N-thoughts to P-thoughts was trying to hold up a birch tree during a blizzard. (A Birch is one of my favorites because the leaves appear so soft and light. The branches bend so gracefully.)
"But Doc,  It's too hard to do," I whine. "The hurts, fears and anger are planted in my mind. How do you make them disappear?"

He leans forward. "It takes practice, but you have to change your thoughts."

My workout had begun.  I had to practice, practice, practice.  When those negative ants marched in, I struggled, wanted to give up and just hide in my bedroom or run away. I felt angry with my therapist.
How can he expect me to just focus on the positive. My brain won't let me.

The next session with my therapist I said, "This is too hard to do."

"I know." He stares at me and asks, "Do you still want to do this?"

I listen to the sound of the footsteps in the hallway and then exhale.  "Yes, I want to keep trying."

I hated my racing mind and depression. I was ready to try again.  I wanted to be like a birch tree. I want to be soft, light and graceful. Now that's a good thought to focus on.